unJADEd MinD

I wasn’t able to sleep much the night before the wedding. It wasn’t because of excitement. It’s just that my nocturnal self prevailed as always. 

I would have liked a longer shut-eye to avoid huge eyebags from ruining my pictures. But since I didn’t get enough beauty rest, I just had to rely on the powers of concealer and the magic of the make-up artist to save the day.

The wedding was held on a cold December morning in Tayabas, Quezon. It was celebrated at Saint Michael Archangel Minor Basilica, the second OLDEST church in the Philippines. What made the church very special aside from being really old is the fact that it has the LONGEST aisle in Southeast Asia.

Definitely, the walk down the aisle is one of the highlights of a wedding. 

A longer aisle means longer “walk-time”…

…and a bit more anticipation…

…and a bit more drama…

…and a bit more time to smile for the cameras…

…and a bit more time to glow at the people sharing that special moment with you…

I’ve been anticipating the big day for more than a year already. I eagerly said yes to my best friend as early as August 2007. I knew I couldn’t possibly say no. Both of us probably expected that the question would pop out sooner or later, we just didn’t know when.

I wasn’t able to help much with the planning because of the distance. Then again, even if the wedding was to be held in Manila and not in Quezon Province, I don’t think it would have made much difference since I was just too busy to lend a hand.

After months of anticipation, December 20, 2008 finally arrived. It was my best friend’s wedding and having agreed to serve as her maid-of-honor, I braved the Christmas traffic and traveled all of 7 hours in the middle of the night with my little sister in tow (as my chaperone and self-appointed photographer).

Being part of the bridal entourage was nothing new. It was my 5^th time to be an “abay” (bridesmaid) — but it was my first time to march down the aisle as maid-of-honor (mainly owing to my best friend status).

A sad event tainted the happy occasion. The groom’s best friend assigned to be the best-man lost his father the night before the wedding. He called early in the morning to inform the groom that he couldn’t make it to the wedding anymore. As a result, one of the groomsmen was instantly promoted to become best-man.

After getting made-up and dressed in our pretty gowns, I boarded the bridal car beside my best friend – the beautiful bride. We were smiling and giggling like young college girls all through the short ride to church.

The wedding colors were green and gold. The rest of the bridesmaids wore green gowns. Mine was color gold (a testament to my best friend’s giving me the special treatment, he,he!).

As I walked down the long aisle, my little sister launched an attempt to document my every move using my ever-reliable Casio digicam (I was to find out later that many of her shots turned out blurry or dim…but she was able to capture a couple of nice ones – a worthy accomplishment for an eleven-year-old first-time photographer).

The rest of the entourage walked ahead of me. I walked alone before the bride and was met by the substitute-best man a few rows before the altar. I thought I imagined some snickers from the row of groomsmen up ahead. During the ceremony, the best man and I were asked several times to go up front to do our “duties’ (ie, assist in the signing of the marriage contract, taking the ring and coin pillows from the priest, arranging the bride’s train so she wouldn’t trip and so on).

Anyway, during those times we had to stand side by side, I couldn’t help but notice the groomsmen (and even the photographers) smirking or grinning. I was to learn later that they found it very amusing that I “towered’ over the best man. I was wearing low heels but apparently, I looked a lot taller than my partner, much to the amusement of the men in the audience. I don’t think the girls found anything funny about it at all. It must be something about male egos and humor (they just couldn’t resist ribbing their friend for being vertically challenged).

After the wedding ceremonies, reception was held in a nearby resort, the “Lost Paradise’ (Nawawalang Paraiso). Food was prepared for 200 guests! When the buffet tables were opened, really long lines turned up (which made me thankful that the entourage had our own table where we were served by the waiters – no long lines for us, yipeee!)

I enjoyed the food a lot. I really love wedding buffets. It’s one reason why I don’t say no to invitations to become a bridesmaid (half-meant joke…ha.ha!)

The last time I was bridesmaid was this time last year (December 2007) for the wedding of my sorority sister and good friend.

In 6 months, I will be a bridesmaid once again (for the 6th time!) for my highschool barkada’s June 2009 wedding.

Being a bridesmaid is a nice experience. You get a free gown, you get free hair and make-up, you get access to a sumptuous wedding buffet, you get to bond with your beloved friends, and you get a chance to know the lucky guy who they chose to marry.

At the end of the day, seeing that they’ve made a good match makes me really happy. It almost makes me forgive them for nagging me about when my turn would be. Honestly, much as I enjoy being part of weddings, I’m definitely in no hurry to plan my own.

This was sent to me by a very dear friend on the occasion of my graduation from law school. I was immensely touched by her message. This is the best graduation gift and certainly, one of the best gifts I ever received in my life.

NOTE: This piece is something like a lengthy yearbook write-up. It captures the very close personal relationship we had as friends, sisters and colleagues in the USC*.

The Rapture of the Little Sister

Mouthing plain and heartfelt "Congratulations!" and academic plaudits is the norm this time of the year–or of your life–as you don the sablay and march (to tune of the classically stirring ‘Pomp and Circumstance’) to the end of your five-year spell of madness in law school. But not for me, despite having bragged about you one too many times to people whom you know and you don’t know you personally. The greetings you’ll get from people will be your cake (a nicely done red velvet type with rice crispies, chocolate chiffon and strawberry syrup). And what I want to say here, I wish, will be the icing.

What you’ll be reaping tomorrow goes beyond the Juris Doctor degree and the feelings of accomplishment, rapture and pride. There are other things (and I feel compelled to tell you)–small stuff you probably thought of as trifles, little things you did not or never noticed you sweat for–that made a profound difference. They elevate you from a mere law school graduate standing at the cusp of the practice. They make you special.

The most I can do is recall my one solid year of experience with you, which, despite of its brevity, heavily defined who I am. It was just a year, and a turbulent one at that, fraught as we were with the various threats to the Iskolar ng Bayan’s right to education among many other national issues, alongside our growing pains, tests of character and broken hearts. We were at the right juncture–the year being half of 2005 and half of 2006, when Hello Garci and other GMA cans of worms were blasted open–and like destined partners in crime, we immediately hit it off and became tight sisters. We were on the mission to serve the studentry, sharing so many things like our unassaible principles, an appetite bigger than our slim bodies could seem to accommodate and the same long hair. I was always mistaken to be your younger sister and I had since always wished never to have to correct them.

I quietly raved about how full your hands were and how you managed to juggle them, not with ease but with calm, independence and composure. Law school is said to be a tough undertaking only for the tough. But you were just the right kind of tough, never the arrogant type of debater or would-be lawyer. You could wring necks off in GASC** not by hogging the microphone or being loud but by voicing careful, logical arguments ever so unassumingly. Of course, you also had your day job and with all these, I could only imagine days of days of fatigue on end. But you have to believe me when I say the only way it ever showed was through the dark, half circles under your eyes.

Because even if you hardly slept, you still found time for kindness. I saw and received such kindness in big and small doses, steadily over a year and the years after, enough to last me a lifetime. I became a disciple of your memory preservation project, a point-and-shoot shutterbug who, with her simple digital camera and newfound sight, learned to widen her perspective, sharpen her focus, catch the good angle and lengthen her range.

You encouraged me to go where I think I would learn more, like the SOLIDARIDAD*** Congress that summer, in which I found new friends, including the love of my life. You even cared to hand me Php 300-worth of pocket money (because I was so broke), to which I returned with millions-worth more–of experience and education.

You did not push or shove to earn respect and sympathy. You tugged–gently–and at the heart. I used to be a young woman who would recede in the background and make school as an excuse for apathy and inaction until I ran for the student council and joined GABRIELA. But until I met and came to admire you, I had not imagined that I could aspire for and do more. Even as I continue to nurse fluctuating levels of self-esteem and recurring self-doubts, I only think of what you would believe. And of course, I know you would always believe in me.

I had the fire thrashing wildly inside me and instead of spitting it out, you patiently kindled it. You offered me a tough yet viable option for how I could shape my life and career, starting with that fateful exam called the LAE****. After bouts of coaching and encouraging, now I have made the cut and proven that what you believe in is actually true–that I only have to look into myself, at what I am capable of doing, and not be afraid of it.

I am also basking in your glory as I imagine you marching along with the victorious graduates of UP College of Law Batch 2008, despite having no license yet to gloat because I am yet to start my own struggle. Overwhelming anxieties run in my mind (normal, I think to anyone who is a stranger to the Socratic method and the rigors of the UP law school, save for some expectations and tips from upperclassmen). But I take comfort in the fact that I have you–to turn to for support, look up to, and remind me of who I am.

I have a lot to thank you for, and I bet, so have your friends, sisters and family, who have been with you longer than I have known you. I would like to start by saying thank you–for holding your breath for me.

Really, I was aiming for the "choicest cuts" or the most concise and exact words when I set out to write this to save you the trouble of reading something very long. And yet I failed, for anything written about you is a steady stream of superlatives–mere words–which eventually pale in comparison to you. I wanted to stay away from plaudits but I quite couldn’t. You are far too special to be spared from words too great, good and beautiful.

CONGRATULATIONS! Good luck as you set sail to the raging seas of the law practice.
I LOVE YOU!

* University Student Council (USC)
** General Assembly of Student Councils (GASC)
*** Systemwide Alliance of UP Publications and Writers (SOLIDARIDAD)
**** Law Aptitude Exam (LAE)

In the long running Jill-tradition of having exams instead of celebrating my birthday, I will be taking the PRIL Exam on March 28 (which happens to be my last birthday as a member of the twenty-something age group).

Hayyy… BINGO na talaga sa akin ang law school. Lahat ng birthdays ko pinakyaw na ng acads/exams.

I wrote another entry about this in my blog last year (some parts of which I will quote in this entry)

“In the five years I’ve been In law school, I’ve learned to accept the fact that my birthdays couldn’t be celebratory since it ALWAYS falls on finals week.”

In 2004, I was cramming for Legal Method (Prof. Dante Gatmaytan)
In 2005, I was cramming for Sales (Prof. Mac Dizon)
In 2006, I was cramming for Med.Jur (Prof. Arsenio Pascual)

In 2007, I had back-to-back exams in Civ Pro (Prof. Vicky Avena) and Tax (Prof. Grace Pulido-Tan)

Now it’s 2008, I will be taking the PRIL exam under Prof. Elizabeth Pangalangan.

Last year, I entertained the idea of a birthday bash… I thought it should be special because I was 28 turning on the 28th. But because Civ. Pro. Exam was scheduled on the evening of my birthday (and ended past 10pm!) I was left with less than two hours for any semblance of a celebration.

Thus, plans for a birthday bash went kaput. Next best thing was going to eastwood for a buffet at Something Fishy with a few dear sisses (who came even if they had to wait till the exam ended and we had to go at midnight).

Looking at the brighter side, at least PRIL exam is scheduled earlier (so that means I have a few more birthday hours left).

I hope I would still have energy left to enjoy my birthday (although I doubt I’ll have time to plan anything. A birthday bash is out of the question since the ball and bar review has depleted my funds). But I refuse to dwell too much on what I can’t do for my birthday. There are so many important things to look forward to. I’m sure this year will be a milestone whether or not I get to celebrate this birthday. 

Interestingly, it has been reported that Bar Exam Results will be released on that date. I wish for 100% passing for all my sisses and all UP Law graduates who took the 2007 bar. I also wish to graduate, survive bar review and pass the 2008 Bar along with UP Law Batch 2008.

So help me God.

Tomorrow will be anything but a lazy Sunday.

Christmas is in the air. I don’t feel the least bit academic this time of the year but I have to study because I have an exam tomorrow (yes, an exam on a Sunday).

Our professor calls it a quiz but I can’t bring myself to call it just that. A quiz sounds so….. minor (and our coverage is definitely NOT minor).

The test tomorrow will form a big chunk of our final grade in this 4-unit review subject. Thanks to my poor study habits, I again find myself cramming all the information I’m expected to know by now. Suffice it to say that my efforts to be a better (or a more studious) student haven’t (yet) been that successful.

Just this week, I’ve come to the realization that I made some wrong decisions regarding the academic load I’ll take this sem. I got carried away "elective-shopping" and found myself overloaded with subjects I don’t really need (for graduation or for the bar). I enrolled in those seminar classes because I was interested in the subjects but to be blunt about it, "hindi ko naman napanindigan".

Regretfully, I might find myself dropping some in the hope of spending more time taking my review classes seriously and writing my imaginary SLR.

First things first, I have an exam tomorrow. It will be an enumeration type so I guess I’d have to memorize (which I’m not so fond of doing).

Tomorow’s exam will start at 2pm. Usually, I don’t get much sleep the night before so I find myself dozing off right after slugging it out with my pen and bluebook. But tomorrow, I wouldn’t have the luxury of sleeping after the exam. I have to go to the airport to pick-up my sister (YES!!! She’s arriving tomorrow night! Yipeee!)

Definitely, tomorrow won’t be a lazy Sunday. Come to think of it, my Sunday highlights strike quite a balance. I have something to dread and something to look forward to.

(December 15, 2007)

For the sake of confidentiality, I won’t mention names or too much details. But I want to write about a case I am handling for OLA because it got me thinking about my future career as a lawyer.

I am representing the Defendants in a civil case for specific performance with partition. After reading the case file, I felt like I was facing a dead-end because I found out that my clients are absolutely clueless about the case.

The Defendants are Heirs of the registered owner of the disputed property. The Plaintiff claims to be co-owner of the lot by virtue of a Transfer and Waiver of Rights executed by the first buyer in his favor. The registered owner was an NHA grantee who agreed to sell one-half of his lot to the first buyer on the condition that aside from paying a certain amount in cash, said buyer would contribute to installments payable to the National Housing Authority. The buyer failed to make any installment and subsequently transferred her rights to the lot to the present Plaintiff. Since the registered owner is already dead, his heirs were made defendants to the partition case. Unfortunately, the heirs have no idea about the transaction entered into by their father. All they want is for the court to dismiss the case.

They want me to help them oppose the partition because the lot is the only property left by their father. However, much as I want to defend their case, I feel helpless because they can’t give me information or evidence to strengthen their defense.

It’s quite frustrating — when I ask them something and all they can say is "we don’t know". I really feel like giving up on the case but I know I can’t just drop it when I want to.

Truth to tell, from the moment I heard the story (or rather, the lack of a story), I felt little confidence about handling this case. Reading the complaint and seeing the documents submitted to the court, I got the feeling that the Plaintiff’s a buyer in good faith. Silently, I was torn between what I felt was the (probable) reality of the case and the obligation to defend my clients’ interests.

This is I guess, my first moral dilemma as a “legal practitioner”. I only got motivation from the positive attitude displayed by my supervising lawyer. For her, there is no such thing as a losing case. Every case can be won and it’s just a matter of finding it in your heart to embrace your client’s cause.

In a way, it’s positive because the never-say-die mind-set can be useful in building a successful career. It’s also positive because it gives hope that noble causes can be won (even amidst discouraging circumstances) if the advocates and their counsel remain vigilant in pursuing a specific cause.

But it can become negative when the attitude subsequently blurs one’s sense of right and wrong.

True, it is a lawyer’s sworn duty to defend a client. But as a person with strong principles and a heart for social justice, I don’t think I can take that never-say-die mind-set to the point of defending people or institutions which I know are guilty of abuses and exploitation.

My present dilemma is just the tip of the iceberg. It’s a trivial issue when compared to the dilemma I may face when I become a member of the bar.

If I take a job in the government or in private firms/corporations, I know there would be a lot of instances when I could face moral dilemmas (which could haunt me and gnaw at my conscience).

This could be considered as premature worrying on my part. I am not even a lawyer yet. I know I have lots of other things to worry about (such as the next class, the next pleading, the next recitation, SLR, graduation, the bar exams). But those other (more immediate) things I should worry about are little steps which bring me closer towards being a full-fledged lawyer (and steps closer to similar dilemmas).

Of course I could always opt to work for institutions which are in line with my beliefs and advocacies. I could also opt to engage in private practice and be able to choose what cases to accept and whom to defend. I know as a young lawyer I can’t be too choosy if I want to find a job and learn the ropes of the profession. But I sincerely hope that whatever career path I eventually take, I wouldn’t be forced to turn my back on all the things that I stand for.

I finally attended my first class for the sem. My other profs were no-show so even if classes officially started last Friday, I was still stuck in sem-break limbo.

Ironically, my first class for the sem was not really my class. I had "no right" to be there because I wasn’t enlisted. I tried several times but I was among those CRS-cursed individuals who weren’t granted slots during the online enlistment.  It was a major disappointment because that’s the sole review subject I wanted to take (others I still need are not being offered). During senior enrollment, I signed my name in the wait-list .

Good news: The OCS increased the slots from 35 to 50.
Bad news: Despite the increased class size, they still couldn’t meet the demand (which has reached 80+).

The OCS accepted the first 15 names on the wait list. Tough luck, I was number 20.

My last recourse was to talk to the professor directly (in UP, if you fail to get a slot, you can enlist based on teacher’s prerogative, also known as "prerog" or "magmakaawa ka sa prof scheme")

I never had to do that throughout my stay in lawschool (thanks to the block system and the fact that I didn’t do forum shopping).  I wasn’t able to catch the professor  before class started so I waited outside until they had a break. When some of my friends went out to buy food, I learned that another blockmate who didn’t get a slot attended the class as a "sit-in" student (he doesn’t plan to enroll but he wants to attend the class). Being assured it was ok to go in, I joined the class when they resumed.

After dismissal, I talked to the prof and explained my predicament. Thankfully, she was very easy to talk to. Without much ado, she agreed to admit me in her class.

Now all I have to do is go to school early tomorrow with my happy news, go about the last few steps of enrollment (advising and  assessment) and then pay my tuition. After that, I can start attempting to be a First Class law student (even if only in my dreams…ha,ha!)

I got happy news this morning. My Ate Sharon’s coming home for the holidays!

It’s been more than two years since I last saw her that’s why I’m so excited to see her again. She’ll only be here for two weeks so we have to plan her stay carefully to make the most out of the little time we’ll have together.

Her coming home is one more reason for me to be a good girl this semester. I have to make sure I don’t accumulate backlog in acads and in my other commitments so I can devote my Christmas break to bonding with my sister.

My Ate went to Washington DC the year I started law school. She left just before my final exams. That was a difficult time because I had to adjust to law school and life without my beloved sister.

If I were to write about all the reasons why we’ve gotten to be as close as we are now, it would take maybe hundreds of blog entries (which could be enough to make a novel on sisterhood). We’ve been through so much together and our separation is one of the saddest decisions we’ve ever had to make.

Yes, it was a great career opportunity. I was happy for her but I also couldn’t stop worrying about her. I often found myself thinking about how sad and homesick she could be, so far away from home. I missed our long talks before bedtime, the foodtrips and all the simple joys that we shared. I also missed our serious discussions about family and our future.

It wasn’t much easier for her. She went there with almost nothing. She couldn’t even afford to call us when she got homesick because she had to save what little money she had before she got the first paycheck.

She’s been working abroad for more than four years now. She isn’t earning much but she’s earning enough. If she had been selfish, maybe she’d have saved quite a lot by now. But she’s been very selfless and giving. She took it upon herself to take on the responsibilities that we used to share.

Before law school, we shouldered almost everything equally. We were partners in helping mommy keep the family afloat. But with law school, my government salary was barely enough to support my own studies especially when I had to move out of the house to be able to keep my job and study at the same time. Law school ate up my resources and I couldn’t help much at home anymore. She took care of all the things I could no longer cover.

All through law school, she’s been a pillar of strength and a source of inspiration. I could not have gotten this far were it not for her support and encouragement during the times that mattered most. I feel so blessed to have her in my life.

I can’t wait to see her again…

I kinda hate myself right now. Not really hate-hate… More of mega-displeased. I feel like I’m being such a bad girl. Pasaway…

It’s not helping that my room’s such a mess. Feeling messy din tuloy ang utak ko. The O.C. in me wants to clean the room pero the procrastinator in me keeps getting in the way of my doing something productive, something relevant, something that needs to be done.

Wala lang. Just ranting. Once I get this "self-hate" moment out of my system, I’m sure I’ll be ok.

My last post entitled "Pre-exam Week Reflections" is dedicated to my Poli Law Review Class.

It was while attempting to study for Poli Law Exam that I felt the urge to write that piece  (since I was getting frustrated with my super slow pacing and innumerable excuses to take breaks).

Political Law Review was my first final exam on my second to the last sem in law school. The exam seemed promising (if there is such as thing) because we got good tips from the upperclass on what to study and what to expect.

But taking the exam ended up to be a disaster.

It was a 3 unit subject and I assumed it would be a 3 hour exam. The exam started at 3 pm. I took my time reading the questions and answering the first few numbers exhaustively. I thought I had more than enough time to finish the entire thing.

To my horror, I was a only about half finished when the professor said "Ok, 5 more minutes…"

Shock. Panic. Helplessness.

I sat there waiting for any classmate to ask for an extension. No one did. Apparently, most of them knew it was only a 2 hour exam. Stupid stupid me. I realized later that a classmate did text me that the exam was from 3 to 5 only (but I must have been busy cramming that I didn’t pay attention to his message. I only remember reading that the exam starts at three).

When the professor announced we only had 5 minutes, I was in the process of writing a sentence. Because of my shock at the announcement, I placed a period on my last sentence with too much force that my signpen tip literally broke like a pencil.

Good news: I had a spare pen on hand.
Bad news: My spare pen was black (while I started taking the exam using blue ink).
The Real Bad News: I only had 5 minutes to answer half of the exam.

Actually, I already jotted some of my answers on the questionnaire but I definitely needed more than 5 minutes to write everything on my bluebook in paragraph form. I started writing like there was no tomorrow. I usually have legible handwriting but at that time, I could barely make out the words. I just went on to answer everything I could still answer (as briefly and as coherently as possible given my panicked state of mind).

While I was alone in my panic, all the while I thought I was the only one who made the mistake of assuming the exam was until six. I learned later that 2 of my friends also had the same unfortunate experience. I was sad and frustrated about what happened but I tried my best not to wallow in my disappointment. I had other major exams lined up and I had to gather my wits and gain focus again asap.

Tonight, while studying for Civil Law Review, I got a text message from Mel that Poli grades were out.

Shock. Panic. Dread.

I sat there in my favorite corner of Mc Donald’s Philcoa wishing I had access to the internet right then and there. But I had to study for Civ so looking at my grades had to wait. I just kept on wishing sir wasn’t too disappointed with my exam results. I hoped and prayed that I get a decent grade (I’m not really grade conscious, but if you can’t wait to graduate, you’d wish and pray for decent grades too)

Anyway, after about two hours, I went back to the dorm and eagerly tried to log in CRS. It took an eternity before the CRS page loaded. When I finally tried to log on, the page said:

Talk about prolonging the agony! Anyway, after several failed attempts and a number of whispered prayers, I finally got to log-in and see my Poli Law grade.

I don’t need to say what I actually got. All I can say is that I felt relief and contentment seeing my grade. It was indeed a decent grade.

Now, I only wish, hope and pray that all my other grades will be like this First Grade (or even better, if that is at all possible!).

So help me God.

This is supposed to be my second to the last semester in law school. Classes ended yesterday. Exam week starts on Monday. I am supposed to be studying now (obviously, I am not).

It saddens me to realize that although I have gone this far in my law studies, I have failed to outgrow the bad study habits which I’ve had since undergrad. My friends outside of law don’t believe me when I say I lack discipline. They think the mere fact that I got into law school and reached senior year means I am diligent, studious and smart.

I don’t think I am that smart. I believe a lot of people in law school are smarter. I believe a lot of people OUTSIDE of law school are way smarter. But I guess it won’t hurt to admit that all those who get into UP Law are kinda smart. The playing field is relatively equal in that you each have an opportunity to shine… and that’s where diligence and good study habits come into play.

Of course there are some truly brilliant individuals who can excel without much effort. But generally, I believe many of those who successfully get into the top of the batch are the ones who have discipline. Those who know and practice good time management. Those who diligently put time and effort into studying (with or without the stress factor provided by the professors).

I can’t say I don’t exert effort. I have tried many times to change. Sad to say, old habits really die hard. It doesn’t help that I also have bad sleeping habits. I am usually awake when I should be sleeping and I usually get sleepy when I should be up and studying.

It is a sad fact: I AM NOT THE STUDIOUS TYPE.

It becomes a SAD SAD fact when you’re in law school where studying is supposed to be a way of life.

Sometimes, I attribute my lack of discipline to the fact that I got into law school by accident. Becoming a lawyer was not my dream. I only began to consider the thought AFTER I passed the LAE (which I only reluctantly took).

I like to think that my getting into law school was a surprise gift from above. I never asked for it but it was given to me. Thus, when I feel so down and inadequate, when I feel like I don’t have what it takes to survive the next exam or recit, I just look back at the way I found myself into Malcolm Hall.

I now want to become a lawyer because I want to help others. It is said that we have too many lawyers BUT there are very few lawyers who lawyer for the people (and not for profit). Becoming a lawyer has now become my dream because I think that is His plan. I sincerely believe that I was led to pursue this profession for a greater purpose. A purpose bigger than myself.

Thinking this way gives me strength and inspiration to face the next challenge head-on. My limitations as a student are hurdles which get in the way. My fears and apprehensions blur my vision and lead me to doubt the viability of His plan. All I need to do is focus on the greater purpose ahead and I know that I can survive all of this because He will help me as He has unfailingly done in the past.

Come to think of it, the playing field is not that equal after all. Some have more opportunities than others. Some people have more time and resources on their hands. Some people are aided by confidence and ambition. Then again, there are those who don’t have ambition but rather, a mission.

Many times, I doubt my fitness for the legal profession. I feel apprehensive about my own capacity and intellect to survive. This is where faith comes into play. This is not about me alone. I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THIS ALONE. I’ve always had someone guiding me and helping me survive, in spite and despite of all my weaknesses.

I never expected that this essay would end this way, but I am glad it did. I started it feeling frustrated. I am ending it now, with regained focus and renewed hope.